10 Terrible Comeback Singles
Written by Lukas Kaiser & Erik Amonson
Sometimes, when a musician is away from his or her craft for a while and returns, everything falls back into place. Sometimes, though, the song they release makes you want to go back in time and kill their parents, as we’ve seen with Britney Spears‘ attempt at a comeback, “Gimme More.” These songs are further examples of the latter.
- Pumps and a Bump by MC Hammer – What happens when no one wants to hear your brand of Christian-infused fun-rap? Well, you put on a Speedo, nothing else, and then start rapping ambiguously about something called “pumps and a bump,” which we should assume means chicks with big asses and high heels…but it COULD mean girls with Reeboks and a peeenis.
- Kokomo by The Beach Boys – Brian Wilson and the gang are one of the most influential pop bands of all time. In the 1960s, the Beach Boys and the Beatles played a game of figurative leapfrog by essentially being each other’s favorite bands and heavily influencing each other’s work in one of the most productive instances of musical incest since Jerry Lee Lewis impregnated his cousin. However, by 1988, Brian Wilson, the creative genius behind all of the band’s classic work, had all but dissolved his operating ties with his fellow Boys, who wrote, produced and recorded this list of vacation locations without him. It went on to become their best selling single ever, and certainly brought the Beach Boys back to the fore of the national consciousness. Unfortunately, it’s garbage. If the Beatles had “stayed together” without John, Paul or George, the result may have been something like this.
- A Rose Is Still a Rose by Aretha Franklin – Aretha is a legend, arguably the strongest and recognizable voice in R&B history. “Respect,” “Think,” “A Natural Woman,” and many, many more. The woman has won 17 Grammies (which is not to say that a Grammy is worth a shit, but hey: 17 Grammies). So, what in the hell is this song? A reinvention as a hip-hop artist with backing vocals by Lauryn Hill and lyrics as ridiculous as, “A rose is still a rose. / Baby girl, you’re still a flower.” Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave. Otis Redding is rolling over in his grave. Hell, even the future corpse of Aretha Franklin will roll over in her grave every time this song spins up. Continue reading